Yesterday as I sat in church, I opened my journal and started writing an entry to my Abba. I confessed that I had realized that this summer I had given my attention and focus to many things, none of which being Him. I further wrote that my health concerns were probably real and very legitimate, but that I had been so focused on them that I was causing even worse pains in my body. In fact, I had unknowingly been carrying so much stress to my sleeping hours, that I was grinding away the integrity of my teeth and every retainer that I had been given in the past 18 months. Naturally, once I realized that I was overly stressing about my health (specifically, my teeth), that just caused me to stress more in both my waking and my sleeping hours. I was in a horrible cycle of worrying, stressing, and being in pain that put all of my attention into healing one problem after another, instead of giving everything over to God and giving Him my complete focus.

But seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you.

Matthew 6:33

Even as I sat at breakfast with my Love yesterday recapping my discovery with him, he nodded in agreement that I had indeed spent my summer months worried about my health. First, it was the Ganglion Cyst. Then it was the upper abdominal pain. Next it was my lab results. Then it was the allergies. Now it’s my teeth because of my grinding. Well, what if the teeth situation is only because of my heavy focus on the other things that I had listed? Which came first? Which was most important? What would I possibly stress over next????

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So many thoughts swirled through my head and all I could do was sit in service, writing an entry to God. I knew the sermon would start soon but I had to get my thoughts out of my head and onto my paper. As soon as I had finished writing “focus” for what seemed like the millionth time, God’s Holy Spirit stood up boldly in the preacher’s frame and began to speak specifically to me when He said, “there must be balance between service and worship.” I received everything that God was speaking to me but I knew that He did not only mean service in that literal sense. To me, He was saying that I have shifted my focus from Him to so many other things, that I am missing the beauty of just being with Him.

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By and large, I am in wonderful health- thank You, Lord! I know many people wonder about me because I am Vegan but I truly am healthy. However, I had spent far too many days, weeks, and months, this year doubting both the integrity of my health and God’s ability to work wondrously within me. It’s like I wanted something to be wrong with me so that I could harp on that condition for some time. As though my worth and importance only came from the amount of diagnoses that I had accumulated over time.

Well, that ends today!

Beloved, I am so tired. I have been sleeping ever so cautiously as though that will help me not grind my teeth anymore… when the reality is that I must let go of stress and the other things that are steering my focus away from God. Last Sunday I stood up in church and declared that we are alone, God is with us, and He will give us rest. Yet somewhere between the 9th and the 16th, I must have forgotten that truth. I know that tomorrow I have an emergency dental appointment and Wednesday I have an Endoscopy, but today I have the opportunity to fix another part of me… and I am running towards it full steam ahead!

Today I am choosing to sit at the foot of God’s throne and surrender everything to Him. My cysts (the one on my foot and the 3 in my left breast… all of which are non-cancerous), my GI issues (that thankfully do not limit me from living a beautiful and vibrant life), my oral/dental concerns (which cannot hide the smile that God has placed within my heart), and whatever else may try to come my way. Today I am choosing to WORSHIP God, and not worry as much. Today I am choosing to shift my attention from M.E. to HE, letting Him be God and God all by Himself.

Today I am choosing FOCUS.

Be blessed.