Sometimes I feel like God’s grace is wasted on me.
Am I the only one who feels like that at times? It’s ok if I am… but if I’m not alone, let me know.
To be honest, I get caught up in a game of comparisons and I feel like God wasted His time when He kept using me because I’m not where others are. Whew! Can I just be honest and say that sometimes, I just feel stuck? Not that I don’t know that God does not make mistakes, or even that He has greatness in store for me, but sometimes I just feel stuck in my current place.
God, I need you to un-stuck me!
This past Friday night I decided to give myself a mani and a pedi. I just started painting my toenails a few months ago (I am a beauty minimalist) and Friday was the first time that nail polish had touched my fingernails in about 2 years. Full disclosure, my nails (both hands) looked like a toddler had fun with some yellow paint. LOL! Maybe I just need to do this more often. I digress. I had my girly moment and I felt beautiful and relaxed. I was scrolling through social media when I saw a picture that caught me off guard. It was a picture of a man that I used to converse with and the caption led me to believe that he was getting married. Now hear me out, I was genuinely happy for him… however, seeing that made me feel like I was in a stuck place of my own life. I cheer for all of those around me; I celebrate with them and thank God for their blessings! However, in my humanity, sometimes their increase causes me to see where I lack. Wait, rephrase… causes me to see where God has yet to grow me.
For my last 2 waking hours Friday night and the first 2 waking hours of Saturday morning, I was questioning everything about me and my life. I compared myself to all those around me and then I went back to my old stinking thinking that serves no real purpose in God’s ministry. I felt STUCK and I just needed a moment. So, I randomly decided to get up and bake. I turned on Spotify and went to the Fresh Gospel station and baked a batch of simple cinnamon rolls from a recipe that one of my favorite internet bakers posted. As I baked, I listened to God’s words through His musically inclined children and I began to feel a peace. In that moment, I realized that that was definitely one of God’s places for me. While I’m not fancy or independently creative in the kitchen, God uses my time in there to speak to me in a unique way.
I have never made cinnamon rolls before, as such, I opted for the easy recipe that called for no yeast. I mixed all of my ingredients and then did as the recipe instructed, placed my dough on a surface and rolled it with a roller. After that, I poured my cinnamon sugar filling on the dough and prepared to actually form the roll. I moved gingerly, as instructed, and soon saw why I had to move slowly- the dough was soft and not inclined to move. It was fragile and needed extra care with each attempted roll. It was in that moment when I realized that just like my roll dough, I wasn’t stuck, I was just waiting for the Master Chef to continue working. Personally, I loved the finished product… but I loved the experience more than anything.
Beloved, that’s it; that’s the message for you today. Sometimes we will get stuck a little bit but we have to trust that God is still working and at the end of it all, the beauty of the finished product will allow us to simply praise God for the entire journey.
Be blessed… and be un-stuck.